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Baby steps, friend. See if you can spend 10 minutes AM and PM calming yourself. Then try one healthy change for a month. You sound like you are being very tough on yourself and upping your anxiety over being unable to meet the high expectations you put on yourself. Please try to focus on your strengths. It is hard to lose weight. If it were easy everybody who suffers from the Basketball Leprechaun St Patricks Day Boys Kids Men Sports shirtp would do it. Baby steps, friend. It can happen. Go easy.