All of this is admirable, and is probably normally even very healthy. Unfortunately, all of this First Time Nonna Est 2021 for New Mom Shirt is also the root of your problem, and things are unlikely to change as long as you maintain this attitude. Your post is full of “I am really unhappy, and I have good justification for my upset- but I can’t do anything about it.” I want to encourage you to interrogate that further. Are you truly not capable/not allowed to do these things? Or do you maybe really mean “I don’t want to because it will be unpleasant?”
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Same with telling her she’s not your mother, and same for telling them “no” when they ask you to do favors First Time Nonna Est 2021 for New Mom Shirt they aren’t willing to reciprocate. Your entire problem is that you are being far too nice and polite, and this is being interpreted and twisted into permission to continue to overstep. Cultural norms aside, there is still always such a thing as being too nice. When we end up screwing ourselves or our families over in an effort to be polite to someone outside of them, we’re being horribly cruel and rude to ourselves.