When that dried up, it left dad hanging. He came back to the U.S. a broken Just an ordinary demi dad shirt , full of horror stories he witnessed and performed that not just broke him but tortured him nightly up until he took his own life. Nearly every night in the year before he killed himself, he would have terrible nightmares where he would be screaming sometimes in Italian, sometimes in Bosnian, sometimes in English, but always screaming, “please, please, please, please” like fuckin James Brown scared shitless in the pits of hell. He told me that when he was screaming in his sleep, in his dreams all the people he had killed came to see him and crowded around his bed that he was frozen on. They would just stare at him, some would say the last things they said before he killed them, and others would whisper to him that they were all waiting for him in hell.
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When I got the call my father was dead, I went to his bedroom and I kneeled at the foot of his Just an ordinary demi dad shirt with his rosary in my hands, and I prayed for the soul of my father all through the night until I couldn’t even hold myself up anymore. I have never felt such an ultimate sense of doom as feeling that my father was now in hell being tortured by his victims and who knows what else. I prayed and I prayed and I prayed, I begged God & Jesus to take mercy on his soul, put him in pergatory but please not Hell Lord I want to see him again whole and forgiven. It was about 5 a.m., the sunlight was just creeping in through the blinds, and I suddenly got a wonderful sense of peace that filled my entire body.