Bola tells me there’s no way I can have my baby in the birth center. Because of the number of The Man Behind The Firecracker Sunglasses 4th Of July T-Shirt there has been reduced fetal movement he must be born on labour ward. I don’t mind, even though this does rule out a water birth. I am too wrapped up in the intensity of the pain to care about anything. They get me a wheelchair and wheel me and my trusty gas&air to a dark room with a big bed in the middle. We have to go in a lift and down corridors and I know we pass people, I keep my eyes closed to slits and try to breathe through it all. Bola keeps saying, drop your shoulders, relax, it will pass it will pass.
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My doula turns up at some point but things start to get a bit blurry. The waves have turned from pain to an intensity of The Man Behind The Firecracker Sunglasses 4th Of July T-Shirt that I have never experienced before. I have nothing to compare it to. It is like my body has been taken out of my control. It is gripped by these forces which squeeze it and pull it apart. I try to breeeaaathe. I can do the inhale pretty well. But the exhale gets stuck in my body. It is impossible to get out. Bola says would you like something for the pain? I say, what you got?? I feel like I am talking to a dealer. Her eyes brighten and voice lowes as though offering me something illicit. You want the epidural? All the way through my pregnancy I said I did not want the epidural. I gasp out, anything else? She mentions diamorphine and I’m like yesyes lets go with that first please!! She nods and says she will be back. In the time she is gone the contractions ramp up. Just breathe breathe. I can hear myself groaning a deep groan. Sounds I would never ever make in public!
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