I would just deal with today when it comes to future children. If your mom is able to stay clean and healthy when you guys choose to have Wife Dog Mom Surgical Tech Surgeon shirt , that might help fdh change his mind or it may not but that’s a problem for another day. I really think both of you should try to get into individual counseling and couples if you can (individual for sure). I would also make sure you stay NC with mil for your own mental health. Fdh can visit her to his hearts content but she can’t know where you live and fdh can’t discuss you or matters that involve you. My fil was a raging asshole but I never told my husband he couldn’t see him, just that my girls and I would have nothing to do with him.
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In my case dh decided on his own to have NC but we were much older than you and had been living on our own for a decade by then (that helps Wife Dog Mom Surgical Tech Surgeon shirt see and separate yourself from your childhood some). It doesn’t really matter whose mom was worse at this point because only one is being abusive and assaulting you at this time and it’s his. You keep doing what’s best for you and supporting fdh. That doesn’t mean you have to put up with his mom, she’s not a part of your family because she never earned that right (family is earned, not a right)